Why I can't stand Cars & Coffee, even as a caffeine addict

According to new research, more than 2.25 billion cups of coffee are drunk every day around the world. If my Twitter and Instagram feeds are anything to go by, at least 2 billion of these are consumed at Cars & Coffee meetings.

At what point did a hot beverage become the focus of modern car culture? The concept hailed from Southern California, where a bunch of car guys decided to gather at a place called Crystal Cove. Impromptu and unpromoted, it tapped SoCal’s deep-rooted car culture at a time when enthusiasts felt disenfranchised and in need of a place to meet. It was an instant hit.

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Apparently, such was the informality of these early meetings at Crystal Cove that for a while there was no name or term for them beyond that of the location itself. Only when its founders were turfed off their original spot – a shopping mall car park overlooking the shimmering Pacific Ocean – by unsympathetic owners did they feel the need to coin the now ubiquitous ‘Cars & Coffee’ moniker. The renamed and relocated event proved an even bigger success and the rest is history.

That was more than 20 years ago. The originators have long since ceased to congregate in car parks at 5.30am, but the concept they pioneered is now so deeply embedded that it has taken over, its tendrils wrapped tightly around the global car scene like Japanese knotweed.

One of the things I love about being part of the car community is that you can meet a fellow car lover anywhere. Often when you least expect it. To spot an interesting or exotic street-parked car is one of life’s great joys. Having a five-minute chat with someone on a petrol station forecourt about the car you or they are driving is affirmation of a shared passion. The contrived inevitability of driving to a heavily promoted location with the sole intention of parking and looking at hundreds of other parked cars is anathema to that. Ironically, it’s also a very long way from the casual, unsanctioned nature of those Crystal Cove pioneers.

Then again, perhaps it’s a sign of the times. Driving quick cars used to be carefree, but it’s becoming increasingly onerous. Attitudes towards high-performance cars and the enjoyment thereof have changed, which means we all have to make more of an effort to head for places where fast cars can be enjoyed responsibly and not draw the wrong kind of attention.

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I totally get that making a steady run to a Cars & Coffee meet provides an easy and harmless excuse to take your car out, but still I find the growing obsession with these events bizarre. Worse, as with any large gathering of people, the collective tends to be judged by the actions of its dumbest attendee, so even though the majority might be respectful, there will always be one who thinks he’s Vin Diesel. Sadly, as we all know, you can’t legislate for stupid.

It’s not all bad. Studies have found that coffee may have various health benefits, including its ability to reduce the risk of developing type-2 diabetes and some forms of cancer. Unfortunately, if practised at a car meet, coffee drinking comes with myriad side effects, many of which appear to be marque-specific.

Porsche owners will find themselves openly discussing the transformative effects of their latest geo set-up and how their bridge-to-gantry time will be at least 15 seconds faster. Meanwhile, the Ferrari fanboys will geek-out over an 812 Superfast resplendent in the ultra-rare combination of Grigio Prentenzioso over Elephante Scroto Naturale. It’s also an odds-on certainty that an over-caffeinated owner of a BMW M4 with a pop-bang remap and 4D numberplate will pile into the nearest piece of road furniture after giving it an overly optimistic bootful (Piloti, naturally) as they exit the car park.

As ever, social media has a lot to answer for. Showing off is pretty much engrained in human behaviour these days, so it’s perhaps no surprise that Cars & Coffee meetings have evolved to become a living, breathing physical extension of Instagram. Of course, there’s always been a degree of ego and status attached to supercar ownership, but the shift in emphasis from discreet ownership to being desperate to be seen is fundamentally changing the image of the supercar. Cars & Coffee meets have become the perfect environment for those who feel the urge to pose and preen in front of an appreciative crowd.    

We all express and indulge our passion for cars in different ways. I’ll happily spend a little while admiring a few nice cars, but it’ll be an unexpected bonus rather than the main event. Given a free Sunday morning, I’d far rather get in my car and head where the wind blows, relaxed in the knowledge that I’ll enjoy the unique sense of satisfaction and solitude to be found on the open road.

I suppose you could call it ‘Cars & Driving’. You never know, it might even catch on.

This story was first featured in evo issue 311.